Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
