it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize