I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
