Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
