Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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