you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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