was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
