Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
