capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
