Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
