Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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