this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize