I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
