I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
