I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
