I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
