I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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