Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
