i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I smell like Dick and happiness
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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