so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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