I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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