You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
