Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
