You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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