put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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