Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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