Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
