I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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