She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
