Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
