I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
