I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
