I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
