the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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