perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
