are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
