Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Drake has all the answers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
