hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
