Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Randomize
