no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
