I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
