Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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