and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
