better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
