She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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