God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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