my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
