But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
