The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
