Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
