Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
