There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
