All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
