Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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