Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
