Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
