So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i've created a new STD.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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