when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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