Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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