At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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