My friends, they love my intelligence
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize