Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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