it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
