you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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