Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
