You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize