I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
