Can i not drive my cunt home
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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