If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
