Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
