He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
