There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
