She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
