God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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