At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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