not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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