She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
