I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
