will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I die, sorry about rent.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
