my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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