I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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